what a fucking weekend

saturday i went to my parents house to help clean. with my mom only going there to sleep, my papa has pretty much had run of the place, and everything was so filthy and dirty and sticky. so we scrubbed and cleaned and mopped and dusted.

while i was there, k called and asked if i would "do the honor of helping him move." so that's what i did sunday. i took my dad's truck and it was only me and him. it took forever. i didn't leave til about 3am and didn't get home til after 3:30am and didn't get to bed til 4:15am. i was more than happy to help him and did not mind, but it was long and tiring. i am so worried about him and his living situation and lack of parking situation and it is really stressing me out and making me anxious and nervous and worry way more than i should.

i just want to take care of him and make sure he is safe and healthy. i don't want to be his wife and i'm pretty sure i'm not in love with him anymore, but i DO love him very much and care for him greatly. i want him to be okay.

he almost made me cry when i left. he walked me out to the truck and just wouldn't shut the door, and finally did, but said "good night sweet girl" when he did. he used to say that to me when we were married. it's from the movie beautiful girls. he even called while i was in the shower to make sure i got home okay. i called him back, and he was at the new place and okay for the time being. so i guess it all went okay, but it was an emotional bitch for me.

also, my dad started a three day steroid 'treatment' on friday. 1000mg of prednezone (sp?) via iv on friday, saturday and sunday. today they are starting a round of chemotherapy. they will do it once a month for six months. hopefully it DOES something.

i asked k to call my dad yesterday, which he did. my dad really misses him, especially now that he is so sick. when i was telling k about everything earlier he started crying. it was sad and sweet and awful. the whole situation sucks. but my dad was really pleased to hear from k (as was my mom) so that was good. and k told both of them that he loved them, which i know he still does. i know he still loves me too (not IN love, which is the whole reason for the divorce, but i know he does care somewhat). it's good to hear, tho. he was part of my family for SO long, and you don't just STOP caring about someone like that.

god, this is such a ramble. should stop now. obviously i didn't go to work today, because i was exhausted from the whole crazy weekend.

neverending torchwood speculation

ugh. this whole series 3 thing is really beginning to make me less sad and more angry.

bbca ran a behind the scenes promo thing, and it just makes me sick to listen to rtd go on about how awesome it is going to be and how proud he is of it. ianto killing bastard.

i have been awful re: spoilers. i just can't stay away from them. i KNOW ianto is going to die. everything points to it. EVERYthing. the latest promo shot of ianto, jack and gwen screams ianto is a dead man, and the soundtrack listing pretty much puts the nail in the coffin. there was also an article in magazine where eve myles goes on about how no one is safe and blah blah blah, and when you listen to gdl in interviews, it all points to IANTO IS DEAD. as well as gdl making several trips to america in an attempt to find work.

this better be the end of torchwood. i will be so annoyed and furious if they have truly decided to make this the jack & gwen show.

i am an emotional wreck about life in general at the moment, and this whole torchwood/ianto thing is NOT helping in any regard, and i am not taking it well and am overreacting, because dude, it's a stupid fucking television show!

why does life insist on ruining my happy? i have so little to begin with damnit :(

puter parts

i'm finally getting a new hard drive. yay!

a lot of 1 tb drives are under $100 now, so i went ahead and did that. do i need that much? no. but when 500 gb are only $10 or $15 less, why not spend the extra? exactly.