It is done...
Sep. 7th, 2008 11:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
planet_tatersI have moved.
went and got the u-haul yesterday around 11:00 am, and took it back around 9:00 pm.
who helped: r and j, s and e (and the three kids) and my seester.
we loaded up the u-haul and everybody's vehicles (4 of em) and drove over to the new place. unloaded everything, and then s and e left.
the four of us did a lot of work putting things away, and r set up my entertainment center and my computer. then we drove back, took back the truck and went to eat. went back to the house to load up the last of the miscellaneous stuff, and came back to the condo. r and j left, but my seester hung around for a bit (thank god) so i wasn't alone. i think she finally left around 12:30 am.
everybody was SUCH a huge help and i am beyond grateful for all everybody did. r and e did a LOT of hard work doing all the manly heavy lifting. it couldn't have been easy!
after my seester left, i took a shower, did a bit of internets (i am SO behind!) and then went to bed. woke up this morning for the very first time in my own place. it's strange and quiet and surreal.
so... where does k fit in in all of this? well, he doesn't work saturdays, so i figured he would be at the house, but sleeping. instead, i don't think he ever went to bed from the night before. but apparently he didn't care to be around during this whole schpealy (which i can't really blame him) so he had volunteered to go into work for the day.
before everyone got there, he was really very sweet. he even helped me undo the entertainment center. he let me hug him a lot and cry as well. we sat on his bed with his arms around me and with our heads together 'watching' tv. when he finally left, i stood at the door to wave him off, and he kept waving goodbye to me while driving away. it was really hard and i cried.
but then, when we came back later, he was at the house. this actually made me feel SO much better, cuz i had been kinda freaking out the whole day and all i could think was 'i want kevin'. i asked the others for a bit of time to say goodbye, before we left. again, he was so sweet. he let me hug him for a very long time and cry on his shoulder. i told him i loved him very much, and he said he loved me too. he walked me to the door, and stood there waving while we drove away. i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
i am going to miss him so much. we've been together since we were 17. this is not what i wanted and i am so afraid i might never see him again. but i know that isn't true, since we are tentatively planning to meet up at the house to clean it up as best we can. dunno if that will happen or not tho. guess i'll just have to wait and see.
i know it sounds stupid and cliche, but i really want/hope that we can still be friends. i want to have him in my life in some capacity, but i don't know if that would make things easier or just that much harder. they say a clean break is best. but mentally, i am just not ready for that. i dunno, maybe i'll never be ready and i just don't want to let go.
EDIT: after having lived in a house for 5 years, it is disconcerting and (dare i say) makes me a bit nervous to hear cars coming and going, and car doors closing. I don't know why, but its just making me feel... odd. not frightened really, but... i dunno. uncomfortable?
EDIT 2: i figured out what i was feeling re: the car engines & doors. its anxiousness caused by my mind associating it with kevin's car. that hopeful excited feeling that comes from hearing him come home, and yet knowing it isn't him.
went and got the u-haul yesterday around 11:00 am, and took it back around 9:00 pm.
who helped: r and j, s and e (and the three kids) and my seester.
we loaded up the u-haul and everybody's vehicles (4 of em) and drove over to the new place. unloaded everything, and then s and e left.
the four of us did a lot of work putting things away, and r set up my entertainment center and my computer. then we drove back, took back the truck and went to eat. went back to the house to load up the last of the miscellaneous stuff, and came back to the condo. r and j left, but my seester hung around for a bit (thank god) so i wasn't alone. i think she finally left around 12:30 am.
everybody was SUCH a huge help and i am beyond grateful for all everybody did. r and e did a LOT of hard work doing all the manly heavy lifting. it couldn't have been easy!
after my seester left, i took a shower, did a bit of internets (i am SO behind!) and then went to bed. woke up this morning for the very first time in my own place. it's strange and quiet and surreal.
so... where does k fit in in all of this? well, he doesn't work saturdays, so i figured he would be at the house, but sleeping. instead, i don't think he ever went to bed from the night before. but apparently he didn't care to be around during this whole schpealy (which i can't really blame him) so he had volunteered to go into work for the day.
before everyone got there, he was really very sweet. he even helped me undo the entertainment center. he let me hug him a lot and cry as well. we sat on his bed with his arms around me and with our heads together 'watching' tv. when he finally left, i stood at the door to wave him off, and he kept waving goodbye to me while driving away. it was really hard and i cried.
but then, when we came back later, he was at the house. this actually made me feel SO much better, cuz i had been kinda freaking out the whole day and all i could think was 'i want kevin'. i asked the others for a bit of time to say goodbye, before we left. again, he was so sweet. he let me hug him for a very long time and cry on his shoulder. i told him i loved him very much, and he said he loved me too. he walked me to the door, and stood there waving while we drove away. i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
i am going to miss him so much. we've been together since we were 17. this is not what i wanted and i am so afraid i might never see him again. but i know that isn't true, since we are tentatively planning to meet up at the house to clean it up as best we can. dunno if that will happen or not tho. guess i'll just have to wait and see.
i know it sounds stupid and cliche, but i really want/hope that we can still be friends. i want to have him in my life in some capacity, but i don't know if that would make things easier or just that much harder. they say a clean break is best. but mentally, i am just not ready for that. i dunno, maybe i'll never be ready and i just don't want to let go.
EDIT: after having lived in a house for 5 years, it is disconcerting and (dare i say) makes me a bit nervous to hear cars coming and going, and car doors closing. I don't know why, but its just making me feel... odd. not frightened really, but... i dunno. uncomfortable?
EDIT 2: i figured out what i was feeling re: the car engines & doors. its anxiousness caused by my mind associating it with kevin's car. that hopeful excited feeling that comes from hearing him come home, and yet knowing it isn't him.
