the weight issue

i really need to start eating better again. i'm sure i've gained back the weight i lost. i'm still exercising, which is obviously good, but the older i get the more i really need to change things. and today i ate so much and feel like absolute shit. i've been doing that a lot lately, which is really affecting me negatively.

must to plan a better diet and go shopping for healthier stuff. more fruit and vegetables. i barely eat any at the moment. too many cheeseburgers and fries when i eat out, and too much pasta and rice and bread when i eat at home. if i plan it out, like a routine, then i always tend to do much better. that's how i did it the first time.

it's surprising that that was almost three years ago now. i'm actually extremely proud of myself regarding the exercise. i don't always stick to it like i should, but for the most part i have done my pilates 5-7 nights a week consistently (with the exception of when i was in san diego and maybe 2 or 3 other times). i think that's pretty damn good. but again, at my age, that isn't enough.

i know nobody wants to hear me say i'm fat, because i know in the scheme of things i'm really not. but some days i really do feel like crap about myself and feel like a tub of lard. it doesn't help that today was a really emotionally difficult day either. sigh